March 13, 2015

When Are You Having Kids?

After being married for two years, this question gets old. In the beginning it was easy to just to politely respond "oh you know when we're ready" or "when the times right." Now, however, I feel like being snarky: "Who said we're having kids?" or "None of your business."

The truth? Well, we don't know. We know we are not ready now, but we don't know if that will change in a month, a year, or five years. Maybe we will never be ready.

Not everyone has kids, and that is a good thing. It makes up for the people who pop out twenty children. The world is overpopulated as it is, we could use fewer babies (a debatable topic, but I think we are overpopulated).

It is wrong for our society to think that just because you are married you should have children. There are plenty of horrible parents out there that should never have had kids.

 Also, it really is no one's business. Why do strangers care if we have children or not? It does not affect them. They are not going to be grandparents. They will probably never even see the child. After all, how often do you run into the same person twice? I guess if you live in a small town, then maybe, but in a big city, not likely.

Now when family asks, I think it is still rude, but at least it is because they want to be an aunt or uncle or grandparent, etc. They will most likely see and meet the baby so I can understand why they might ask, maybe once, but to repeatedly ask? Well maybe they forgot what we had already told them and want to ask again, but at some point, it is no longer justifiable and it becomes just plain annoying and rude. No matter how much they ask or beg, we are not going to change our minds and just pop out a baby, that would be a very wrong reason to have a kid.

I also think when people ask about kids they are looking for an argument or some way to pressure us into having kids. They will say things like "Oh you're never ready for a child, just do it." Yes, because that is a great reason to have a child! Just because one can have a baby, does not mean one should. Sometimes I just want to slap people.

A lot of the time people say you will love having kids because they love their kids. FALSE! Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. I personally do not like kids. They are annoying, loud, germ spreaders, etc. To be fair, it might just be the parents I do not like since it is probably their fault for not keeping their children under control, but that is just proof that not everyone should be a parent.

Another thing to keep in mind is maybe the couple is trying and it's not happening. Maybe they had recently suffered a miscarriage and you asking this question is only a painful reminder of the child they lost. Some people can't have kids and your seemingly innocent question now comes off as hurtful.

When and whether or not we have kids is our decision. It is no one else's business. If you are one of those people who feel compelled to ask every couple you know: "When are you having kids?" Take a moment and think, why do I care? What kind of response am I hoping for? And if you do ask, accept the couple's answer and move on.

If you have any tips on how to reply to someone when they ask "when are you having kids?" comment below!

Attribution: Image used in blog post photo does not belong to me and was found on  Pexels. 

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