April 24, 2017

Listen Up! Stop Asking About Baby #2

My baby just turned four months old today and I have already gotten quite a few comments about "number two." This is rude on so many levels, so listen up to why you need to stop asking about baby number two.

Getting pregnant was not easy for us. It took us nine long months and we were extremely lucky to conceive without any assistance. My OBGYN was ready for me to go through all sorts of testing to start the infertility drug, Clomid, but oops! I got a positive test before I could start the process. Our miracle baby was born on Christmas Eve and she was the best present we could have ever asked for!

Now just because we got lucky with our baby girl, does not necessarily mean we can have a second baby on our own. There are plenty of people who suffer from secondary infertility, where baby number two just does not happen. Just something to consider before you ask a couple about "number two."

I am actually fine with being one and done, but people expect you to have at least two children and they refuse to believe you when you say you are done with one. There is the classic "Oh, you'll change your mind in a year or two," as if they know you better than you know yourself. Think of it this way, I have been married for four years now, did I change my mind about my husband after two years? Nope, I still love him as much, if not more, as when I first met him seven years ago. Yes, I could change my mind, but that's for me to decide and right now, my focus is on our little girl. There is no room for "number two."

Honestly, besides the fact that pregnancy is no cake walk, conceiving was the worst part. Seeing negative after negative, being told it may not happen, etc. is just not something I want to go through again. I got lucky the first time, but what if I end up being that couple we met in our birth class, they tried for 10 years before having a baby! I just couldn't put myself through all that again. It was too stressful, too heartbreaking the first time around.

If we did decide on more kids, they would most likely be adopted, but right now I am over the moon with our little girl and intend to spend as much time as I can with her. We are so blessed to have her in our lives that I can't even think of having another at the moment,

Another reason why this is rude is my baby is only four months old! (but even if she was a year old, it would still be rude to ask about having another baby). I am so focused on her, watching her learn and grow, that I can't even think about number two! Just let us enjoy our new little one and stop worrying about how many kids we may or may not have. How and if our family grows is our decision.

All I ask is that you please stop and think before you consider asking someone about baby number two. You have no idea how long and hard it might have taken them to have baby number one or maybe they are trying for number two, but it just isn't happening, or maybe they can only have one for medical reasons. You have no idea what someone may be going through, so please stop asking about "number two."

To learn more about infertility and for support, please check out Resolve.org and NIAW's website.

Source

10 comments:

  1. I know what you mean, my daughter is 2 and we are not sure if we will have baby number 2. One kid is hard enough! :) I have a parenting blog you can feel free to check out newagingparents.com

    Have a great day, found you via the FB group FYI! :)

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  2. When my first child was about a month old a relative that came to meet her asked when I was planning to have another baby. I was like, "Uh, I just had a baby- you're looking right at her!" And I felt that way for years. It's a rude question and none of anyone's business. Thanks for addressing this.

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  3. I know how you feel. I even had a very rude woman on two separate occasions make a point to tell me I wasn't a real parent until I had two...like wth?

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    1. Wow, seriously? I get two can be a handful, which is why I am pretty sure I am done with 1! But parenting is hard in general, no matter how many kids you have!

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  4. Seriously! We went through that after our first child as well. Took us 6 years to finally have our second child. Luckily with no help. Those negative pregnancy tests are devestating. And now we have 5 ��

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    1. Wow, that's amazing! I love success stories like that! I knew someone who had to go through IVF to get their twins, but then were able to have the next 2 naturally.

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  5. True thoughts! Most of the time people are just talking, but it's good to think through what you say before you say it! Congrats on number 1! ;)

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  6. Being a parent is not a cupcake, I am completely with you. No one knows better than a couple how many kids they want to have and if they want to have them at all. It's a very personal decision. So outsiders will make these kind of judgements without ever thinking before talking. Don't mind them. Many many congrats on your baby girl Diana!

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    1. Thank you so much! I have learned to just deal with it, but wanted to bring awareness so more people will think before they ask.

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